Future News

By

I HEARD THE NEWS TODAY

The government of Greenland is putting the country up for sale. It will accept bids from any country or corporation. The reservation (minimum) price is $2 million per person, or $100 billion (the cost of 3 data centers), and distribute the money equally to its 57,000 citizens. Russia and China have expressed an interest, Russia to control the strategic Nordic region and China to strengthen its near-monopoly on rare-earth minerals. If sold, almost all residents said they intend to put their homes up for sale on Greenhouses.com and move to Denmark.


A number of other countries are watching to see what happens. If Greenland is successful, they also intend to put their countries up for sale. For most countries of the world, even $1 million per person is substantially more than their residents could make in a lifetime. Some of the countries will probably be sold to corporations because of their mineral or oil resources. Invested at 5%, people from some of the poorest countries of the world will instantly have high incomes. All of their residents could then easily afford to buy Trump's "golden visa" and move to the United States.


President Trump has temporarily given up on taking over Greenland and now wants Iceland. He has the perfect American armed force to run it – ICE. The only problem is that they may have trouble finding anyone to deport. The only illegal immigrants will be members of ICE.


The Donald J. Trump Institute of Peace is asking nations to join. So far, Iran hasn't.


President Trump has announced that, to celebrate America's 250th birthday, he will preside over cage fights on the White House lawn. He is expected to sit on a throne, wear a gold toga, and do thumbs up or thumbs down after each fight.


China's number of births continue to fall. To increase the birth rate, the government has imposed a 13% tax on condoms. The government is hoping that demand for condoms is elastic.


China’s 400 million senior citizens organize to pressure the government to raise their retirement benefits. The government reluctantly agrees, raising the minimum retirement pension from $20/month to $22/month.


A political party called Motorists for Themselves has joined the Czech Republic's rightwing government. The party was created to oppose the EU's policy to start phasing out gas-powered cars. They also want to bring back Czecher Cabs.


Reflecting the changing age demographics of America, World Wide Wrestling forms a new subsidiary – World Wide Pickleball. Medicare will cover pickleball expenses of serious citizens, classifying them as a form of physical therapy.



Miami tries to attract tourists by advertising itself as “the Venice of America” and extols its water sports. EGs (electric gondolas) are the main type of transportation.





Climate scientists project that by 2050 the major cause of death in coastal cities will be drowning.


Phoenix opens up its latest tourist attraction, called “Death Valley,” where tourists from the north try to survive in extreme heat with limited water. Anyone who fails the survival course gets his money back.

 

Alaska gives tourists on cruise ships virtual reality glasses after the last glacier melts.

 

The Grand Ole Opry has its best year ever as tourists from Asia flock to Nashville to listen to authentic native American music (country/western/bluegrass) performed by native Americans in their quaint cowboy costumes.

 

Escape to the Country has its last show as the last family in London moves to Stonehenge. The homeless who live there extol its wonderful community spirit. A religious cult arises called Rock of Ages.

 

Elon Musk and Donald Trump are elected to the Family Values Hall of Fame.


When Trump went to Saudi Arabia, the country, knowing his addiction to junk food, outfitted a large truck as a McDonald’s. When Trump visits Mexico, the government intends to outfit a donkey cart as a TACO stand.

 

The national government, in desperate financial shape and unable to pay interest on the national debt, begins to auction off assets. The White House, the Capitol building and most of the Washington monuments are sold to a group of Middle East investors, who move them to Abu Dhabi for an amusement park called Yesterday World.

 

The United States government, still desperate to raise money, starts a program for foreigners called Virtual Citizen. For $50,000 a year, a virtual citizen gets to vote by computer in presidential elections, is entitled to launder money in any American bank, can bypass passport control, customs and the DEA when entering the country, can buy Trump merch at a 50% discount, and can claim American diplomatic immunity if arrested in their “home” country.


The ballroom attached to the White House is finished. 999 selected guests pay $1,000,000 each to attend the inaugural ball. President Trump doesn't dance with his guests. He explains, "It's sorta symbolic. They're here to dance to my tune."


The ballroom is being financed by at least 24 large corporations, almost all of whom have contracts or regulatory and legal problems with the government. One suggested name for the ballroom is the S&P500 Ballroom.


A new version in the film series Home Alone. The picture opens with a scene of President Trump sitting alone in his new grand ballroom. He invited all of America's friends and allies to the inaugural opening. No one came.


President Trump tries to raise money by renting out National Guard units and ICE to authoritarian governments as mercenary security forces and riot control police. Over 60 countries, three drug gangs, and two terrorist organizations have shown interest.

 

The Statue of Liberty is replaced by a statue of Donald Trump. The poem underneath the new statue is changed to:

 “Give me your liar, your rich,
Your privileged classes yearning to be tax free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shores can stay home in their shithole countries.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed, to refugee camps.
I lift my golden lamp to Wall Street.”

 

 


===============================================


For more satire, see


Future News:  A Little RoboHumor



Trump's World:  A Little Bit of Gentle Satire 


The Sayings of the Don, the Capo Maga of Washington

 

Comments

Post a Comment

Most Popular Posts

Adam Smith's Pin Factory

By
Image
Adam Smith - Our Founding Father INTRODUCTION   This essay on Adam Smith and his famous example of a pin factory also serves as an introduction to some of the themes in the over 100 essays in this blog.   Adam Smith wrote the  Wealth of Nations  during the beginning of the Industrial Revolution. It was published in 1776. The dynamics of the Industrial Revolution continue to be a disruptive force; because of AI, it might be even more disruptive in the future.   ADAM SMITH’S PIN FACTORY   Adam Smith’s description of a pin factory is on the first page of  The Wealth of Nations .  (Chapter 1 – “Of the Division of Labour”)  Drawings of pin factories of this period show workers using hand tools. Smith says the process can be broken down into 18 distinct steps, including packaging the pins. Smith mentions that pin factory workers were poorly paid, despite their high productivity.    Adam Smith says he visited a pin factory empl...
Read more

The Stock Market Crash of 1929 and the Beginning of the Great Depression

By
Image
Famous Headline Before You Begin If you don't know the background of this complicated story, you might want to first read a shorter version that introduces some of the key factors explaining the Crash and the Depression. See, Introduction to the Stock Market Crash of 1929 and the Beginning of the Great Depression Before reading this essay, I strongly recommend you see the PBS video on YouTube. Type in Stock Market Crash 1929. Look for US – The Crash of 1929 (PBS), ALLHISTORIES – PLAYLIST.  Documentary broken into 6 parts to show commercials. Or buy the video on Amazon Prime. Great documentary with wonderful photos, videos, and scenes from movies of the 1920s and the crash. Shows what a crazy time it was. The video is also a great introduction to Andrew Ross Sorkin, 1929:  Inside the Greatest Crash in Wall Street History - and How It Shattered a Nation.  This book concentrates on the roles played by a small number of key men; the video also focuses on these me...
Read more

The English East India Company (EIC): Trade with India and Asia

By
Image
The Mughal emperor Shah Alam hands a scroll to Robert Clive, the governor of Bengal, which transferred tax collecting rights in Bengal, Bihar and Orissa to the East India Company.  Illustration: Benjamin West (1738–1820)/British Library INTRODUCTION   Founded in 1600, the English East India Company (EIC), like its Dutch equivalent the United Netherlands East India Company (VOC, from the Dutch initials) was an innovative new type of corporation. It was a model for the limited-liability, stockholder-owned and funded modern corporation. The EIC was an early prototype for the modern multinational corporation. Originally created as a company to develop profitable long-distance trade, it evolved into a political organization that controlled or dominated about two-thirds of the Indian subcontinent by the early 1800s. The EIC and the Navigation Acts were the starting points for England's naval dominance and colonial empire. The EIC can be seen as an early example of state capitalism. ...
Read more

Bilateral Oligopoly

By
Image
The best movie about the Gunfight at the O.K. Corral is titled My Darling Clementine. A great western - great cast, great photography.  DEFINITION OF A BILATERAL OLIGOPOLY Models of market structure assume that the demand side is represented by a large number of buyers.  The structure of the market, and the assumed market outcomes, depends on the number of suppliers and how they compete.  Suppliers either post one price or exploit their knowledge of buyer categories by using price discrimination.  Despite the comments about the key role of consumers in determining economic performance, consumers are fairly passive when the discussion focuses on imperfectly-competitive industries.  But many markets are not structured this way; the buyers are not passive consumers but large corporations that do not passively accept suppliers’ prices.  Net prices are actively negotiated.  These markets are often bilateral oligopolies. In a bilateral oligo...
Read more

Josiah Wedgwood, the Wedgwood Pottery Company, and the Beginning of the Industrial Revolution in England

By
Image
Wedgwood Anti-Slavery Cameo A better introduction to the beginning of the Industrial Revolution than Adam Smith is the history of Josiah Wedgwood and the Wedgwood Pottery Company. This is how one company actually ushered in the Industrial Revolution. The revolutionary generation that first adopted steam engines saw the following trends and changes: Manufacturing was being modernized by a small group of entrepreneurs. Much of the new raw material processing and manufacturing was concentrated in a small area in the middle of England, away from London. These modernizing entrepreneurs formed a new economic, intellectual and social network. Modernizing entrepreneurs like Wedgwood tended to be members of Dissenting sects (like Quakers) or Nonconformist churches (not members of the Church of England), Whigs (liberals) in politics, and believers in “progress.” They were optimistic about the future, influenced by the ideas of Hume, Rousseau, Locke and Adam Smith. They believed...
Read more

List of Posts By Topic

By
Image
FIND POSTS BY CATEGORY The Beginning of the Modern Global Economy:  The Economic Rise of England Before the Industrial Revolution The Beginning of the Industrial Revolution American History American Economic History Politics of the United States The Roman Republic and America - Differences and Some Possible Parallels China India The theme of the following five sections of the blog is that innovation, not price competition, is the basis for understanding economic growth, competition, and analysis. Basic Concepts and Theory Market Behavior and Structure Market Dynamics and Information:  How Markets Work Economic Theory and Markets Corporate Strategies Management There is beginning a historic change in future populations and their demographics. This will interact with other variables and have a serious, maybe profound, effect on future economic growth. Demographics, Population Projections and Economics The world seems to be in the midst of radical political and social change...
Read more

Government Finance 101. Fiscal Policy: Welcome to Alice in Wonderland

By
Image
Secretary of the Treasury PRELIMINARY SUMMARY OF FISCAL YEAR 2025 BUDGET   The Congressional Budget Office (CBO) made their latest projection in January, 2025. The projected deficit in fiscal year 2025 will be around $1.8 trillion, the difference between about $5.2 trillion in revenue and $7.0 trillion in expenses. Interest on the national debt this year will be around $950 billion, over twice the interest expense in the fiscal year 2021 budget and equal to the defense budget. By 2035, the CBO expects the  yearly  budget deficit to increase to $2.7 trillion.   Interest expense this year passed budgeted outlays for the military. It is about equal to Medicare, and also to total non-defense discretionary spending.   Leaving aside Social Security and Medicare, interest expense is  about 20% of total budget outlays. Interest expense is about half the budget deficit.   The $1.8 trillion budget deficit is 6-7% of total GDP, or approximately 10% of consume...
Read more

Explaining Derivatives - An Analogy

By
Image
You go around to farmers with cows. You buy all the cows and pay the farmers a small fee to milk the cows and sell the milk. You pay for the cows with ass(et)-backed securities called MBSs (Milked Bovine Securities) that you tell investors are udderly safe. But some of the cows don't give enough milk (cow flow problems) or give no milk at all. You take some of the asset-backed securities, say they're backed by the subprime cows, and use them as collateral to sell another set of securities called CMOs (Cow Milk Obligations). Then you buy CDSs (Cow Dried-up Swaps) from AIG (Angus Insurance Company) to insure the CMOs when the cows stopped giving milk. If you work it right, you collect more on the CDSs than you pay out to retire the CMOs. The money you get from selling the dead cows go to pay the CLOs (cow leather obligations). You could also sell CDOs (cow dung obligations) that depend on how much cow dung is produced. This is a typical Wall Street product - turning s...
Read more

John von Neumann Sees the Future

By
Image
John von Neumann JOHN VON NEUMANN CREATES THE FUTURE If you want to understand the world we live in, you have to know about the thinking of three men – Alan Turing, Claude Shannon and John von Neumann.   I’ve talked a little about Alan Turing in an earlier essay.   All three men knew each other, discussed their thinking with each other, and promoted each other’s ideas. John von Neumann has been called the smartest individual of the 20 th Century (by his brother-in-law, who won a Nobel Prize in Physics).   A n outline of von Neumann's accomplishments, which you can read about in  Wikipedia, is hard to believe.   He invented game theory, which I discussed in two earlier posts.   He belonged to a group of mathematicians who invented new statistical techniques at Los Alamos that made the atomic bomb possible. He invented game theory. In 1944, he wrote a memo that outlined the structure of the modern computer.   He then managed the design a...
Read more

The Roman Republic Commits Suicide: A Cautionary Tale for America

By
Image
Roman Legion Why Study Rome? Americans have focused on comparisons between Rome and America twice in American history.  The first time was during the period from before the Revolution to after the ratification of the Constitution and Bill of Rights, when the founding fathers and others looked to the Roman Republic for ideas and inspiration on how to structure the new government. After the American Revolution, the founding fathers, having read the Roman authors detailing the collapse of the Roman republic, worried about internal threats to the survival of their new republic.   The second time was when the United States became a superpower, especially after WWII, and then again after the collapse of the Soviet Union in 1991. Commentators compared America to the Roman Empire at the height of its power. There was some discussion about how America became a permanent warfare state and how it affected domestic democracy and civil society. ...
Read more